Unworthy
by quillandink934
Summary: Hermione wants Snape. Snape wants Hermione. So why is he pushing her away? Oneshot, HG/SS.


She came out of nowhere; he hadn't noticed her pressed into the alcove, waiting for him to pass by on his way to the dungeons. All he knew was one second he had been sullenly gliding by, intending to retire to his quarters, some firewhisky, and a nice book for the night – and the next he was trapped with his back against the cold stone wall, being snogged senseless by the witch of his dreams. He gasped in surprise as her tongue slipped past her pillowy lips to swipe across the thin line between his; she seized the opportunity to slip it inside and twine it sinuously with his own. Feeling heady and breathless, his body responded eagerly, pulling her closer with one arm around her slender back and the other hand buried in her voluminous curls. She pressed her warm, supple body against his, breaking away from his lips to trail hot kisses along his jawline. "I've missed you, Severus," she purred sensuously. He let out an involuntary groan of desire, before reality hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Hermi—Miss Granger." He caught himself, pushing the girl away roughly, if reluctantly. "What do you think you're doing?" he spluttered.

She stuck out her kiss-swollen bottom lip petulantly. "You didn't seem to have a problem with it a moment ago," she pouted, crossing her arms, unintentionally lifting and highlighting her ample chest. Snape licked his lips distractedly before snapping his gaze back up to her soft coffee-colored eyes.

"I was caught off-guard, I would think that is an understandable lapse for someone who had just been ambushed out of the blue." He composed his features and straightened his robes, thankful for the excess of billowing fabric. "Now unless there was something that you needed, I was on my way to my rooms. Goodnight." He turned swiftly on his heel and made to escape.

"No," she caught his arm fiercely as he turned. "You've been avoiding me Severus. I thought…" She trailed off as she searched his face for any hint of the feelings for her she could've sworn she once saw there.

"_I _thought I had made myself clear on this matter, Miss Granger. There is nothing left to say." He averted his eyes, not meeting her gaze, and spoke in an uncharacteristic monotone so different from his usual almost sensual tones. "Now if you will release me." He stared pointedly at her grip on his arm, but she didn't let go.

"I don't understand. I know you want me, Severus." Before he could react she swept her other hand swiftly down his front to press against the evidence he had been hoping to hide, and, raising her eyebrow at having made her point, pulled it back. "And I've made my feelings for you perfectly clear," she said confidently, despite the turmoil he could see in her big eyes. "Why do you insist that night was a mistake when it was everything we both wanted and more? Why do you deny yourself this?" She loosened her grip on his arm to trail her hand down to his and gently clasp his fingers.

He grasped her wrist and removed her hand to let it hang limply by her side. "It was a mistake. We'd both had too much to drink and I selfishly took advantage of the situation. Had I been in my right mind, it never would have happened." He could hardly bear lying to the poor girl, but it was for the better. She needed to get over him and move on from that night. That glorious, heavenly night. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment to steel his resolve. He would cling to the memory if nothing else.

When he opened them, it was to the terrifying sight of Hermione almost in tears. Her prior confident façade had broken completely at his words, yet she refused to let her eyes spill over. "Am I not good enough for you? Is that it?" Her voice wavered.

"No Herm-Miss Granger, you know perfectly well that's not why." In his efforts to console the beautiful woman he had almost slipped. It might have been better to upset her, to say yes and then leave her there, but he couldn't bring himself to cause her so much pain. "It isn't proper. You know that. I can't risk my reputation nor you yours over something like this. And I shan't encourage you to choose so ill-qualified a suitor. …It is I who isn't worthy," he breathed this last sentence, and tucked a stray curl behind her ear, almost longingly, before giving an imperceptible shake of his head to clear it and regaining his willpower. "I told you all of this before. I won't allow you make this mistake."

The girl stomped her foot in frustration. "And I wouldn't accept it! Ill-suited or not, I want you, Severus! I'm a grown woman, I can make my own decisions and handle the repercussions for myself. You're not my father, you have no say in who I deem worthy!"

Snape's forehead creased stubbornly, and he raised his voice in return, "But I'm near old enough to be! It isn't right, Hermione, can't you see? I'm too old for you, not to mention you are a student and I your professor!"

"You know well that doesn't mean a thing, Severus." Though she had returned to complete her studies at Hogwarts after the war, she had taken quite a few years in between to help with the reconstruction of the Wizarding World, track down the remaining Death Eaters as an honorary Auror (along with the other members of the Order), and once it was safe, locate her parents in Australia and restore their memories. It was during that time that she and the Potions Master had forged a tentative friendship from working together, and developed a mutual respect. She was now twenty-four, and had returned as an Advanced Studies student. She sat her seventh-year classes with the other Hogwarts students to complete her NEWTS, but also assisted Professor McGonagall as a part-time research assistant and worked as a Charms tutor for OWL students. "And age is but a number; the lifespan of wizards is longer than that of Muggles anyway. Not to mention boys my age lack half the maturity to attract my attentions. I need a man, Severus. I need you," she pleaded.

He let out a frustrated sigh. Her points were all valid; not that he expected otherwise. "You are the brightest witch of your age, Hermione, and the Wizarding World's Golden Girl to boot. Don't you realize what people would say if you ran off with a greasy old ex-Death Eater? You're smart enough to understand that this can't happen."

She gave a sharp, dry laugh, rolling her eyes sarcastically. "And I've never dealt with bad press before. I don't give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks; this is my life and I'll do what I want, I won't be governed by society's expectations for me." She caught his eyes again. "And what I want, is you." Boldly, she staked her claim by laying a hand on his hard chest.

The head of Slytherin house caught his breath. _This witch will be the death of me._ He ran his fingers through his surprisingly well-kept black locks in exasperation. "Hermione…" he began, not wanting to address the real reason for his adamant argument.

"Severus," she responded gently. "Give me one good reason." He hesitated, not wanting to answer but knowing she wouldn't accept his rejection any other way.

"I'm broken." He closed his eyes defeatedly, wishing that fate hadn't been so unkind to him. "I've seen things that men should never see, Hermione. I'm a murderer; I've been a wanted man. My soul is tainted, and you deserve nothing that isn't shining and pure." Once he started speaking, he found it difficult to stop, the reasons that he had recited night after night to convince himself not to pursue the beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman before him, despite her obvious affections toward him, pouring out like a cork had been unstopped. "I'm not an attractive man. You are a beautiful, proud woman, and no one who can't match your presence should have you. You are a war heroine, I a lowly, despicable spy. You are radiant and optimistic and possess a smile that rivals the sun, and I am a miserable old dungeon bat who could only bring you down. You are sweet and innocent and whole; I am scarred even beyond my years. You deserve someone perfect. Not someone like me." His eyes had remained closed throughout his speech, unwilling to observe her reaction to his confessions.

"Oh Severus," she soothed, and unexpectedly wrapped her arms around him in a chaste, comforting manner. She waited for him to open his eyes, and when he did she leaned in to place a soft kiss upon his cheek. "Can't you see?" Smiling sadly, she shook her head. "You are none of those things to me. Your actions in the war were courageous, and honorable, and admirable. You are brilliant and sensible, which I value so highly, and you challenge me like nobody else. Your scars make you human. I want to be the one to brighten your life. And I find you terribly attractive, Tall-Dark-And-Handsome." She smirked just a little at her final statement. "I thought I had made at least that one obvious."

"Hermione…" The Potions Master found himself at a loss for words, and so instead leaned down and kissed her, kissed her with a passion he hadn't expressed since that one wondrous night. She responded in turn, lifting her arms to wrap around his neck and caressing his consuming lips with gentle, loving ministrations. Pulling up after some time, he rested his forehead against hers. "You won't take no for an answer?" he asked, to which she shook her head. "You won't respect my wishes for you to find someone better?"

She shook her head again. "You are the only one for me, Severus," she whispered, looking him openly in the eyes.

He took a deep, shuddering breath. "Very well. I won't deny us any longer, Hermione. I love you. I have loved you now for quite some time." Her eyes glowed warmly at his admission. His voice dropped so quietly that she could barely hear him: "And I will treasure you."

Thanks for reading; please review! If I get enough positive reviews for this oneshot, I might be persuaded to write the backstory (getting to know each other and eventually leading up to the night that prompted this encounter) or what happens next... ;). Let me know in the reviews if you'd care to read either or both! ~Quill


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